Maybe? Maybe not? How the heck would I know?

I’ve grown to be pretty mechanical in my buying and selling of vintage merchandise; I’ll make a swift walk in, assess the situation, narrow in on what catches my eye, acquire it, get the pictures completed, list it, and stockpile it in the many places around the apartment or in storage.

Also thanks to this blog and the painful art of listing, my knack for some creative writing is slowly returning. Listing on Etsy has become a cinch, and lately I’ll have an entire post in my head as early as walking up to check the price tag on something. This whole process just happened this past Saturday at a church flea market in Lyons when I spotted this 1950’s-60’s typewriter.

“Mid-Century typewriter- excellent condition. Only $5, would be an easy flip.”

Then I saw the “Made in Bulgaria”, which gave me all I needed for my ridiculous one-liners that have been accompanying my Etsy listings. “1950’s Bulgaria. Commies. The perfect typewriter to hole up in your attic and write some subversive literature- Yeah that’ll work. Easy $40 or more”

Then at home while taking measurements, weight, and checking for any flaws worth mentioning I came across this sheet of paper located in the convenient paper slot inside the typewriter case . (ink is faint, click to super size!)

Then this.

“Oh man Laura Neumann you communist SOB.”

Then. Vintage Euphoria.

Occasionally an item itself will floor you, but often it’s the weird things; the receipts, to do lists, the notes to themselves or their children. While you would never purchase these little things themselves, when found become far more valuable than the purchase or even the resale value of the item. The things they would never want anyone, especially the FBI, to see.

This is why I go through other peoples crap on my free time. Priceless.

Now is the time for for all good men to come to the aid of their party.

Now is the time for for all good men to come to the aid of their party.

Now is the time for for all good men to come to the aid of their party.

UPDATE!!!: Well it turns out the phrase above was a popular typing phrase alongside “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”. It originated in 1867 in some podunk town in Wisconsin. Still interesting...and...Laura Neumann is still a communist SOB.

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I've been told not to dump on other etsy sellers. After all, its bad form, and karma, and dogma, and whatever. I mean, I wouldn't want anyone mocking the stupid crap I sell. However, there's something so offensive to me about an item like the following that I can't even really use words to describe it. Okay, I'll use words, and English ones, at that. (This item, btw, was found on the first page of the "for him" page of etsy. You know, the page of items that aren't actually masculine but are reminiscent of something that the unpaid intern at etsy remembers boys liking from, like, her, um, youth.)

Let's open with the item as its portrayed on the "for men" page:

This "thing" is called a "sars guard". You know, to guard you from sars! If they were being honest they'd call it a "getting respect from other humans guard!!!"

Let's do the Eiffel tower of VIRGINITY!

Boo! I'm wearing perve glasses!

even more hilarious stuff for dudes from the same seller

Take the Quiz, show how much into modern furniture you are. Make sure to post your results in the comments, and for HEAVEN'S SAKE be honest, there's no shame if you're just a beginner or if you've been tricked by fancy Chinese craftsmanship.

(There are 10 total questions)

Real
Fake

Real
Fake

Real
Fake

Real
Fake

Real
Fake

Real
Fake

Real
Fake

Real
Fake

Real
Fake

Real
Fake

Quiz fixed. All is right with the world

Jayson and I had just got off the phone discussing trying to push the blog into something useful for our readers and not just Etsy shop nonsense when this wonderful idea popped into my head: lets have the readers pick my next item title.

What a more perfect item and LOL funny then this vintage Schlitz beer pitcher. Let the voting BEGIN!

UPDATE!!!: Listing is up

Phillip writes,

thanks for my awesome new (old) ashtray! here's a pic in it's new home.

Well thank you, Phillip! The ashtray looks awesome, and your place also happens to be swanky as well. I'm sitting here drooling looking at your Eames Lounge. Maybe if we sell a lot more ashtrays we can save up our pennies and buy ourselves one too!

Whenever I head into the kids room and grab some toys my oldest gets suspicious because I may or may not have sold a couple of her Fisher-Price toys at some point. I mean, who’s keeping track of all these toys?

Today her and her sister picked the lock on their door (j/k) and came out wondering what I was doing with her computer and dolly. Only props my dear…so far.

A bit of a picture overload but if you have a beating heart in your chest you’ll find one you just love. I think I might include one with Lucy (the youngest) in the Etsy listing, if all goes over well this might be the beginning of some sort of Etsy stage-parenting disaster.

Update: Here's the listing

There will be additional posts on lessons learned about the business/logistical side, but here are a few things I will by no means do again:

1. Attend a party the night before with an open bar.
2. Go to bed late.
3. Uh, not eat breakfast.
4. Not have my morning coffee.
5. Not eat lunch.
6. Not sit down all day.
7. Cut my finger open.
8. Not even 30mins later get my finger stuck in a folding shelf.

You couldn’t tell from my rough exhausted exterior (pretty much all my fault) but really nothing but butterflies and sunshine inside. Two thumbs up to Katherine and Libby.

Shop is back up.

Yeah I know I'm totally stealing Morgan's idea, but hey, I'm used to riding his coat tales. I'm insanely excited to go the vintage bazaar this Saturday. So excited, in fact, that I'm missing two other appointments on Saturday so that I can share a booth with Morgan. Well, not exactly, share, more like tag along. He's the connoisseur of vintage wares, I just dabble. Either way, I know for certain that the booth is going to be awesome. Its kinda interesting because when I put all this stuff out here on the table I can definitely see a pattern, a sort of style, if you will.

Gotta love the "Mary Queen of Heaven Bingo" coffee mug.

Etsy shop closes up tonight. Time to start packing.